安全小笑話
安全小笑話是以幽默風(fēng)趣的話來提醒大家安全知識(shí)的重要性。以下是由陽光網(wǎng)小編整理關(guān)于安全小笑話的內(nèi)容，提供給大家參考和了解，希望大家喜歡!
安全證據(jù)
有一人乘飛機(jī)去看望自己的女兒。他突然發(fā)現(xiàn)，鄰座一位乘客緊張得哆嗦起來，于是他決定安慰鄰座。
“你為什么如此不安?”他說，“如今乘飛機(jī)是絕對(duì)安全的，坐汽車反而危險(xiǎn)得多，前不久，我的一個(gè)相識(shí)，平平安安地坐著汽車在公路上行駛，突然有那么一架飛機(jī)墜落在他頭上!”
守法司機(jī)
交通警察看到一個(gè)司機(jī)在大街上吃力的推著汽車，就走過去問：“先生，是不是出了什么故障或者是沒汽油了?”
“哦，不是這樣的，只是因?yàn)閯偛盼野l(fā)現(xiàn)忘記帶駕駛執(zhí)照了。”
你瞎了嗎
在繁榮的市區(qū)發(fā)生交通意外，兩輛小轎車迎面相撞。
其中一位司機(jī)怒氣沖沖大叫∶『你瞎了嗎?』
另一位司機(jī)不甘被辱，反唇相譏∶『誰說的?我不是把你撞個(gè)正著嗎?』
安全檢查
一架飛機(jī)剛抵達(dá)某機(jī)場(chǎng)，機(jī)上的空服員立刻將一個(gè)可疑的罐子交給當(dāng)?shù)氐暮骄�。航警打開一看是粉狀的物質(zhì)，于此把手伸進(jìn)去沾了一點(diǎn)放在舌尖測(cè)試。
“嗯，不知道是什么東西?我知道不是毒品，可是也不是糖?”正當(dāng)空服員和航警在狐疑之際，一位老太太慌慌張張的跑過來。“我上飛機(jī)時(shí)帶的一個(gè)罐子不見了，請(qǐng)問你們有沒有看到?里面裝的是我先生的骨灰!
撞得準(zhǔn)
剛學(xué)會(huì)騎機(jī)車的年輕人不小心騎車撞到一個(gè)老阿婆
年輕人：阿婆對(duì)不起喔!我不大會(huì)騎…。
阿婆：不大會(huì)騎還撞這麼準(zhǔn)!
給司機(jī)看的牌子
瑞士入境處的公路旁豎著一塊牌子，上面寫著：“請(qǐng)司機(jī)多加注意。
當(dāng)前，醫(yī)生與殯儀館的工作人員正在休假。”
襪子
有一天，一家失火了， 爸爸媽媽都逃出來了，只剩下一個(gè)兒子還在里面。 媽媽很緊張的在屋外大喊： “兒子，你在干嗎，都失火了還不出來……” 兒子回答：“我在穿襪子阿……” 媽媽又說，“都失火了還穿什么襪子……” 過了五分鐘，兒子還沒出來…… 媽媽又緊張的喊，“兒子，你到底在干什么?快出來~都失火了，還待在里面……” 兒子說，“我在脫襪子阿。
笑話一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一種民間口頭創(chuàng)作形式,在民間文化中以口口相傳的形式傳播。小編精心收集了簡(jiǎn)單點(diǎn)的英文小笑話，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
簡(jiǎn)單點(diǎn)的英文小笑話：Who wants that jerk back? 誰愿意讓那個(gè)混蛋回來
Marcella Vespa called her friend Winona about the disappearance of her husband, who had been missing for several days.
When asked by the police for a description of her husband, she replied, "He's over six feet tall, with beautiful, wavy blond hair. He's got a fetching(迷人的) smile that shows a perfect set of teeth. He wears Brooks Brothers clothes and is muscular, weighting about two hundred pounds."
Winona waited until Marcella had finished her phone call, then asked what it was all about. "Your husband is over five feet and his hair is gray and almost gone. He grins like a polar bear and he's bought every darned tooth in his head. Marcela, that was an untrue description of your husband."
"Sure it was," Marcella replied, "But who wants that jerk back?"
瑪賽拉·維斯帕打電話告訴他朋友溫納她丈夫失蹤的事情，他已經(jīng)失蹤好幾天了。
當(dāng)被警察問道對(duì)她丈夫的描述時(shí)，她回答：“他有六英尺多高，漂亮的金色卷發(fā)。他的笑容很動(dòng)人，牙很齊。他穿著布魯克斯兄弟牌的衣服，很健壯，大約兩百磅重。”
溫納一直等到馬賽拉把電話打完，然后問他為什么這么說。“你丈夫有五英尺多高，灰色的頭發(fā)而都快掉光了。他笑起來就像北極熊一樣，而且每顆牙都補(bǔ)過。馬賽拉，這個(gè)對(duì)你丈夫的描述不真實(shí)啊。”
“當(dāng)然，”馬賽拉回答道，“但是誰愿意讓那個(gè)混蛋回來呢?”
簡(jiǎn)單點(diǎn)的英文小笑話：What are you going to do this evening?
Mrs. Jones was still cleaning the house when her husband came back from work. She was wearing dirty old clothes and no stockings, her hair was not tidy, she had dust on her face, and she looked dirty and tired. Her husband looked at her and said, "Is this what I come home to see after a hard day's work?"
Mrs. Jones's neighbor, Mrs. Black, was there. When she heard Mr. Jones' words, she quickly said good-bye and ran back to her house. Then she washed, brushed and combed her hair carefully, put on her pettiest stockings, painted her face, and waited for her husband to come home.
When he arrived, he was hot and tired. He walked slowly into the house, saw his wife and stopped. Then he shouted angrily, "and what are you going to do this evening?"
瓊斯太太正在家里打掃房間，這時(shí)，她的丈夫下班回來了。瓊斯太太穿著又臟又舊的衣服，光著腳，頭發(fā)亂糟糟的，臉上還滿是灰塵，她看起來臟兮兮的，一臉倦容。她丈夫看到這一切，說：“這就是我辛辛苦苦一天回家要看到的嗎?“
瓊斯太太的鄰居——布萊克太太當(dāng)時(shí)也在場(chǎng)，她聽到瓊斯先生的話，立刻告辭，跑回家去。她洗臉漱口梳頭，穿上她最好的衣服和最漂亮的襪子，化好妝，等著她的丈夫回家。
布萊克先生回來時(shí)，又熱又累，他拖著腳步慢慢地走進(jìn)屋子，看到妻子，他停住了腳步，生氣地大聲吼道：“你今天晚上要干什么去?
簡(jiǎn)單點(diǎn)的英文小笑話：It was too late 為時(shí)已晚
Although I had never met him, I knew that my grandfather had been five feet, sixinches tall, while my stately grandmother stood five feet, eleven inches .
As a teen-ager leafing through(迅速翻閱) old photographs with grandma, Ifinally realized how unusual they must have looked together.
"Grandma," I asked, "how could you have fallen in love with a man five inches shorter than you?"
She turned to me "Honey," she said, "we fell in love sitting down, and when I stood up, it was too late."
盡管我未見過祖父，不過我知道他身高只有五英尺六英寸，而我高貴典雅的祖母身高卻有五英尺十一英寸。
我十幾歲的時(shí)候，和祖母一起翻看著老照片，我覺得他們?cè)谝黄鹂雌饋砗軇e扭。
“奶奶，”我問道，“你怎么會(huì)愛上一個(gè)比你矮五英寸的人呢?”
她轉(zhuǎn)過臉來看著我。“寶貝，”她說，“我們是坐著相愛的。當(dāng)我站起來的時(shí)候，已經(jīng)太晚了。”
簡(jiǎn)單點(diǎn)的英文小笑話：A Nervous Wife 神經(jīng)緊張的.妻子
A man fell ill. His wife called a doctor in for him.
While the doctor was looking over the man, his wife kept fussing(煩躁，發(fā)牢騷) andjabbering(快而含糊地說) all the time. The doctor told her: "Your husband must get absolute rest and quiet." Then he left some sleeping pills.
The man's wife asked, "When do I dive them to my husband?" The doctor replied, "No, they are not for him. They are for you. You need them."
有個(gè)人生病了。他的妻子請(qǐng)了一位醫(yī)生來給他治病。
醫(yī)生在給他治療的時(shí)候，他的妻子一直大驚小怪，神神叨叨地緊張不安。醫(yī)生對(duì)她說：“你的丈夫必須絕對(duì)休息和保持安靜。” 然后他就留下了一些安眠藥。
她問醫(yī)生：“什么時(shí)候給我丈夫吃這些藥呀!”醫(yī)生回答說：“不用，這些藥不是給他吃的，是給你吃的，你需要。”
簡(jiǎn)單點(diǎn)的英文小笑話：Birthday presents 生日禮物
A woman had bought birthday presents for her husband.
She was so excited and anxious to tell him. She said, "I've bought two presents for your birthday, dear. I would tell you now because I can't wait until that day. One present is a mat to put in front of my dressing table. Another one is a bronze statuette(小雕像) for the drawing room mantelpiece." And then she added: "Now me?"
Her husband thought for a while and then replied: "I'd better get you a new razor and some ties, so that we may exchange presents with each other."
有個(gè)女人給她的丈夫買了生日禮物。
她很激動(dòng)，并且急于要告訴她的丈夫。她說：“親愛的，我買了兩樣?xùn)|西給你做生日禮物。我現(xiàn)在就要告訴你，因?yàn)槲业炔坏玫侥且惶觳耪f。一件禮物是一個(gè)地墊，可以放在我的梳妝臺(tái)前。另一件是一個(gè)青銅的小雕像，可以放在客廳的壁爐架上”她還說：“好啦，你準(zhǔn)備給我買什么呢?”
她的丈夫想了一會(huì)就說：“我最好是給你買一個(gè)刮胡刀和幾條領(lǐng)帶。這樣我們就可以互相交換禮物了。”
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