趣味英語(yǔ)笑話-趣味漢英語(yǔ)笑話
鏟屎的快點(diǎn)放我出去！
趣味英語(yǔ)小笑話精選
Two guys recently dead were given the option to stay either in Heaven or Hell fog the rest of their eternity. They asked if it was OK to look around first, and to their surprise,it was.First, they went to Heaven. All niceguys were there, dressed in white they sat on clouds playing harp. Quite a boring place, thought our heroes.
兩個(gè)家伙死了之后，被允許選擇是愿意呆在天堂還是地獄。他們提出能否到兩個(gè)地方先觀光一下，他們被允許了。首先他們來(lái)到了天堂。這里都是穿著白衣服看上去很正派的人，他們坐在白云上彈奏著豎琴。他們想:這是個(gè)多無(wú)聊的地方呀。
"Let' s go to Hell，”they said to each other.
“讓我們下地獄吧，”他們互相商量著。
Hell turned out to be a completely different scene. It was all bars, casino andamusement parks. Free drinks for everyone and a lot of people having a real good time.Back from Hell，the guys were asked to choose between Heaven and Hell. They both chose Hell.
他們來(lái)到了地獄，這里簡(jiǎn)直是一番完全不同的景色。那里有酒吧、賭場(chǎng)和游樂(lè)園。每個(gè)人都可以免費(fèi)喝酒，所有的人都享受著他們真正的快樂(lè)時(shí)光。當(dāng)他們從地獄回來(lái)以后，他們不得不在天堂和地獄之間做出選擇。最后，他們都選擇了下地獄。
Back in Hell, they were immediately scuffled in the back of a sub-surface car and driven to a coalmine. Someone gave them a shovel each and told them to start working.
回到了地獄之后，他們立即被送進(jìn)了一輛礦井車的后座，然后駛向了一個(gè)煤礦井。有人給他們每人一個(gè)鏟子，叫他們開始工作。
"What' s this? The last time we were here the place was entirely different.”
“這是怎么回事?上次我們?cè)谶@里的時(shí)候完全不是這樣的。”
"Yes, but then you were tourists, now you are immigrants.
“是的，但是那時(shí)你們是游客，現(xiàn)在你們是移民。”
趣味英語(yǔ)小笑話閱讀
In the army a company of soldiers decided to have some fun with their company cook, a short, fat, very un-martial young man. So every morning before he woke up, one of them would defecate into his boot. The amazing thing was that the cook accepted this treatment silently. Every morning he would clean out his boot and go to work as if nothing was wrong.
軍隊(duì)里的一個(gè)連的士兵決定捉弄捉弄他們連的炊事員，一個(gè)又矮又胖又弱小的年輕人。就這樣，每天早上在他睡醒之前，一個(gè)士兵會(huì)往他的靴子里大便。令人吃驚的是這個(gè)炊事員平靜地接受了這種待遇。每天早上他都會(huì)弄干凈他的靴子然后若無(wú)其事地去工作。
After several weeks of this, the soldiers began to tire of the game; it wasn't very much fun because the cook never reacted, and they were beginning to feel guilty as well. So they sent a delegation to apologize to him and promise to mend their ways. The cook heard them out, and then said, "You are going to stop shitting in my boots? Fine, then I will stop pissing in your coffee.”
就這樣過(guò)了幾個(gè)星期，士兵們開始厭煩了這種游戲。因?yàn)槟莻�(gè)炊事員從來(lái)沒有任何反應(yīng)，使得這種捉弄根本沒那么有意思，也讓他們覺得有些內(nèi)疚。所以，他們派了一個(gè)代表去向那個(gè)炊事員道歉并保證以后不再那么做了。當(dāng)那個(gè)炊事員聽他們說(shuō)出了真相后說(shuō):“你們真的不往我的靴子里大便了?那好吧，那我也不再往你們的咖啡里小便了。”
趣味英語(yǔ)小笑話學(xué)習(xí)
The woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned，her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and them…”
一個(gè)女人離開家兩天，到另一個(gè)城市去看望一個(gè)生病的朋友。當(dāng)她回來(lái)的時(shí)候，她的小兒子見到她就說(shuō):“媽媽，你猜怎么著?昨天我在你臥室的衣柜里玩，爸爸和隔壁的阿姨走進(jìn)了臥室，他們脫了衣服上了你的床……”
Sonny’s mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you’ve just told me. " The father came home. As he walked into the house，his wife said，"I' m leaving you. I' m packing now and I' m leaving you.”
媽媽抓住他的手說(shuō):“不要講了，等到你爸爸回家了，你就把和我講的全部講給他聽。”孩子的爸爸回來(lái)了。當(dāng)他走近房間的時(shí)候他的妻子說(shuō):“我要離開你。我現(xiàn)在就收拾好行李，我要走了。”
"But why--"asked the startled father.
“但是，這是為什么?”他吃驚地問(wèn)。
"Go ahead，Sonny. Tell Daddy just what you told me.”
“講給他聽，兒子，把你告訴我的講給他聽聽。”
"Well,”Sonny said，"I was playing in your bedroom closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and then they did just what you did with Uncle John when Daddy was away last summer.”
“好吧，”那個(gè)小家伙說(shuō)，“我正在你臥室的衣柜里玩的時(shí)候，爸爸和隔壁的阿姨上樓來(lái)，然后他們脫了衣服上了床。然后，他們就像是去年夏天爸爸不在家時(shí)你和約翰叔叔一樣。”
英語(yǔ)笑話大全爆笑50詞
近些年,冷笑話作為一種特殊的'幽默方式在互聯(lián)網(wǎng)、電視節(jié)目、書籍雜志上廣泛流傳。小編精心收集了爆笑50詞英語(yǔ)笑話，供大家欣賞學(xué)習(xí)!
爆笑50詞英語(yǔ)笑話篇1
The Doctor Knows Better
醫(yī)生懂得多
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standingup by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
一個(gè)男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。他的妻子站在他的床前對(duì)醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“我想他傷得很厲害。”
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“恐怕他已經(jīng)死了。”
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
聽到醫(yī)生的話，這個(gè)男人轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)著頭說(shuō)：“我沒死，我還活著。”
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
妻子說(shuō)：“安靜，醫(yī)生比你懂得多。”
爆笑50詞英語(yǔ)笑話篇2
Reached Shore Fast
快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car brokedown. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raisesomeone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked onthe radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State yourlocation." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "Howfast were you going when you reached shore?"
在休倫湖釣完魚后，我的一個(gè)朋友開車拖著他的船回家。路上車壞了。他沒帶手機(jī)，不過(guò)，他想，也許他可以通過(guò)海事無(wú)線廣播來(lái)請(qǐng)求公路援助。于是，他爬到他的船里面，啟動(dòng)了無(wú)線裝置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸護(hù)衛(wèi)隊(duì)警官作出了回應(yīng)，“報(bào)告你的位置”。“I-75號(hào)公路，Standish的南面兩英里”。沉默了好一會(huì)之后，警官問(wèn)我的朋友，“你的船靠岸時(shí)開得有多快?”
爆笑50詞英語(yǔ)笑話篇3
St Peter's question
圣彼德的問(wèn)題
Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer are dead and they appear in front of StPeter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven. Helooks at the doctor and asks, "There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank afterhitting an iceberg, what was its name?" The doctor answers, "The Titanic" and he is sentthrough. He then looks at the accountant and say, "How many people died in that ship?"Fortunately the accountant had just watched the movie and he answers, "1 500!". St Petersends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, "Name them!".
有三個(gè)人死了，分別是一名醫(yī)生、一名會(huì)計(jì)和一名律師。他們來(lái)到了圣彼德面前。圣彼德對(duì)他們說(shuō)，如果他們想進(jìn)入天堂，就得每人回答一個(gè)問(wèn)題。圣彼德看著醫(yī)生開始發(fā)問(wèn)，“以前電影院放過(guò)一部電影，說(shuō)的是一艘船撞擊冰山后沉沒，電影的名字是什么?” 醫(yī)生回答，“<<泰坦尼克號(hào)>>”，醫(yī)生隨即被允許進(jìn)入天堂。然后圣彼德看著會(huì)計(jì)說(shuō)，“船上有多少人遇難?”。會(huì)計(jì)很走運(yùn)，因?yàn)樗麆偪催^(guò)這部電影，回答道，“1500人遇難。”圣彼德把會(huì)計(jì)也放進(jìn)天堂了。最后，圣彼德轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身，看著律師，非常嚴(yán)肅地用命令的口吻問(wèn)道，“把1500人的名字都說(shuō)出來(lái)?”
【趣味英語(yǔ)笑話-趣味漢英語(yǔ)笑話】相關(guān)文章：
6.趣味的短信笑話
7.趣味冷笑話大全