英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短
凡人，你以為老子睡覺(jué)就不知道你在偷拍？
超好笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短(一)
We're not reducing the prices 我們不會(huì)降價(jià)
At the supermarket near our convent I had filled my cart in a hurry and suddenly had an uneasy feeling that I didn't have enough money to pay for all the goods. In desperation I emptied all the items onto the floor and kneeing down, began to add up the prices.
Just then a young supervisor1 strolled over, bent down and whispered confidentially, "It doesn't matter how hard you pray, sister. We're not reducing the prices."
在我們修道院附近的超市，我急急忙忙地裝了滿滿一推車(chē)的東西。突然之間，我有了一種不安的感覺(jué)：我?guī)У腻X(qián)可能不足以支付所有的'商品。無(wú)可奈何之下，我把所有的東西都擺在地板上，跪下來(lái)開(kāi)始把所有東西的價(jià)格加在一起。
正在此時(shí)，一個(gè)年輕的超市管理員走了過(guò)來(lái)。他彎下腰，對(duì)我耳語(yǔ)道：“修女，無(wú)論你怎么費(fèi)勁祈禱，我們現(xiàn)在都不會(huì)降價(jià)。”
超好笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短(二)
Anything Breakable
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal1 clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
Good news and bad news
There is the story of a pastor1 who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
超好笑英語(yǔ)笑話簡(jiǎn)短(三)
The Foreman's Position 陪審團(tuán)主席
A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant1, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p. m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.
The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited.
After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?"
The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"
在一個(gè)小城市，一位法官正在審理一起酒后駕車(chē)案件。被告不僅有過(guò)酒后駕車(chē)的記錄，而且聲譽(yù)也不是太好，現(xiàn)在只是缺少一個(gè)陪審團(tuán)作出裁決。因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)接近下午四點(diǎn)，找個(gè)陪審團(tuán)來(lái)會(huì)耽誤很多時(shí)間。因此，法官宣布休庭后，就到外面隨便挑選了一些人來(lái)充當(dāng)陪審團(tuán)。剛一出門(mén)，他就發(fā)現(xiàn)大廳剛好有12個(gè)律師，便請(qǐng)求他們充當(dāng)陪審團(tuán)。
聽(tīng)了法官的話，這些律師們認(rèn)為這將會(huì)是一次新奇的經(jīng)歷，因此，便跟隨法官回到了法庭。不到10分鐘，案子就已接近尾聲，因?yàn)楸桓婷黠@是有罪的。陪審團(tuán)回到陪審室進(jìn)行商議，法官就等著宣布結(jié)果，馬上回家。每個(gè)人都在等待著最后的判決。
大概過(guò)了3個(gè)小時(shí)，法官已經(jīng)徹底失去了耐心，便派法警去看看判決為什么耽誤了這么久。當(dāng)法警回來(lái)后，法官問(wèn)他：“怎么樣?他們是否作出了最后的判決?”
法警搖搖頭說(shuō)：“判決?天啊，他們?yōu)榱送七x陪審團(tuán)主席，還在進(jìn)行演講呢!”
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