英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話精選篇
下面是陽(yáng)光網(wǎng)小編整理的英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話，希望對(duì)大家有幫助。
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：
An Absent Minded ProfessorA notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement. A pupil meeting him said： “Good evening，professor.How are you? “Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me.I've been limping for the last half hour.”
有一天，人們看見(jiàn)一個(gè)有名的心不在焉的老師在路上走，他的一只腳一直踏在街溝里，另一只腳踩在人行道上。一個(gè)碰見(jiàn)他的學(xué)生說(shuō)： “晚安，老師。您怎么了?” “啊，”這位老師回答說(shuō)：“我想我離開(kāi)家的時(shí)候還挺好的，可是現(xiàn)在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已經(jīng)一瘸一拐走了半個(gè)小時(shí)了。”
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：
It's His FaultBilly and Bobby were small boys.They were brothers，and they often had fights with each other. Last Saturday their mother said to them，“I'm going to cook our lunch now.Go out and play in the garden—and be good.” “Yes，Mummy，” the two boys answered，and they went out. They played in the garden for half an hour，and then Billy ran into the kitchen.“Mummy，” he said，“Bobby's broken a window in Mrs.Allen's house.” Mrs.Allen was one of their neighbors. “He's a bad boy，”his mother said.“How did he break it?” “I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down.”
比利和波比都是小男孩。他們是兄弟，兩人經(jīng)常打架。上個(gè)星期六，他們的媽媽對(duì)他們說(shuō)：“我現(xiàn)在要做午飯了。去，到花園去玩吧，別淘氣。” “是，媽媽，”兩個(gè)男孩回答，然后他們就出去了。他們?cè)诨▓@里玩了半個(gè)小時(shí)，然后比利跑進(jìn)了廚房。“媽媽，”他說(shuō)：“波比打碎了艾倫太太家的窗玻璃。”艾倫太太是他們的鄰居。 “他是個(gè)壞孩子，”他的媽媽說(shuō)。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的?” “我朝他扔了一塊石子，”比利回答：“他趕緊蹲下。”
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(閣樓) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(鐘樓) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗禮) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
三個(gè)南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯。其中的一個(gè)說(shuō)道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來(lái)臨，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走。”
另外一位說(shuō)：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經(jīng)請(qǐng)人把整個(gè)地方用煙熏消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走。”
第三個(gè)牧師說(shuō)：“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會(huì)的一員......從此一只也沒(méi)有再回來(lái)過(guò)。”
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
四位牧師的母親聚到一起談?wù)撍齻兊膬鹤印?ldquo;我的兒子是個(gè)教士，”第一位母親自豪地說(shuō)道，“他進(jìn)入房間，人們都說(shuō)，‘您好，閣下’。”
第二為母親說(shuō)：“我的兒子是位主教。他進(jìn)入房間，人們都稱，‘您好，大人’。” “我的兒子是位紅衣主教，”第三位母親接著說(shuō)，“他走進(jìn)房間，人們都說(shuō)，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母親略思片刻。“我的兒子身高六英尺十，體重三百磅，”她說(shuō)，“他要是走入房間，人們都說(shuō)‘哦，我的上帝’!”
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：
Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the single word ″Fool″. Quietly and withbecoming seriousness he announced to the congregation the fact in these words:
″I have known many an instance(實(shí)例) of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance I have ever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to write the letter.″
一個(gè)星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的幾封信。他打開(kāi)其中一封,發(fā)現(xiàn)信中只寫(xiě)著“傻瓜”兩個(gè)字。
他平靜而認(rèn)真地把這件事告訴教友們：“寫(xiě)信時(shí)忘了簽名的人,我遇到過(guò)很多,但只簽了名卻忘了寫(xiě)信的人,我還是頭一次遇到。”
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：
The ability of the Kangaroo
The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?" "I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.
袋鼠的能力
動(dòng)物園為剛引進(jìn)的袋鼠建了一個(gè)特殊的八英尺高的圍墻。但是第二天早上，人們發(fā)現(xiàn)這動(dòng)物在圍墻外面蹦跳著。于是圍墻高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來(lái)。動(dòng)物園經(jīng)理甚感惱火，又叫人把圍墻高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來(lái)。一個(gè)長(zhǎng)頸鹿問(wèn)袋鼠：“你認(rèn)為他們會(huì)把圍墻建到多高?” “我不知道，”袋鼠說(shuō)，“如果他們繼續(xù)開(kāi)著大門，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：
The great painter was asked, one day to paint a picture of Pharaoh crossing the Red Sea. A little while after the picture had been commenced, a hitch(故障) arose over the fee, and Hogarth found that he would have to complete the commission for about half the sum he expected. When the work was completed, the patron(贊助人，主顧) was asked to come and inspect it. As a matter of fact, the picture was just one daub(涂抹，涂料) of brilliant red.What's this? exclaimed the purchaser. I asked for the Red Sea, on the occasion of the celebrated passage.That's it, replied Hogarth.But, where are the Israelites?They are all gone over.Where are the Egyptians?They're all drowned.
一天，有人請(qǐng)這位偉大的畫(huà)家畫(huà)一幅法老王渡紅海圖。這幅畫(huà)剛開(kāi)始不久，酬金就出現(xiàn)了問(wèn)題�；舻纤拱l(fā)現(xiàn)，完成這幅畫(huà)后，他只能得到他想要的大約一半的錢。當(dāng)作品完成之后，那位主顧被請(qǐng)來(lái)看畫(huà)。其實(shí)，這幅畫(huà)不過(guò)是胡亂涂抹的一片鮮紅。這是什么?那位買主喊了起來(lái)。我要的是紅海，是那次著名的航海。這就是，霍迦斯回答說(shuō)�？墒且陨腥嗽谀膬�?他們都已經(jīng)渡過(guò)去了。埃及人在哪兒?他們?nèi)佳退懒恕?br />
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：瞎子的判斷
Once there was a blind. One day when he was walking, he
stepped the head of the dog who was sleeping. The dog barked for a while. The blind man went on for miles, this time he stepped the other dog's tail, so this dog barked. The blind man had thought that it was the first dog, so he said in surprise, It's a wonder that the dog is so long.
從前有個(gè)瞎子。一天，他正在行路時(shí)踩著了一只正在睡覺(jué)的狗的腦袋，狗汪汪汪地叫了一陣。這人又往前走，這回踩著的是另外一只狗的尾巴，狗又汪汪汪地叫起來(lái)。瞎子以為還是那條狗，驚詫地說(shuō)：奇怪，這只狗可真夠長(zhǎng)的。
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：always thirsty 總感到口渴
"i had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友說(shuō)：“我動(dòng)了一次手術(shù)，手術(shù)后醫(yī)生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里了。”
"that's terrible!" said the friend. "got any pain?"
“真是太糟糕了!”朋友說(shuō)道：“你覺(jué)得疼嗎?”
"no, but i am always thirsty!"
“不疼，可是我總感到口渴!”
英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話：拳擊和賽跑
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."
丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的`朋友：“這是一個(gè)粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎么去拼搏。”朋友：“如果他碰上的對(duì)手是一個(gè)比他高大，健壯而且也會(huì)拳擊的人怎么辦?”丹：“我也會(huì)教他怎么樣賽跑呢。”
笑話是指幽默的話語(yǔ)，在人們交談的過(guò)程中傳遞和激發(fā)幽默感。陽(yáng)光網(wǎng)小編整理了關(guān)于小學(xué)英語(yǔ)笑話故事，歡迎閱讀!
關(guān)于小學(xué)英語(yǔ)笑話故事：Weather Predict
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
天氣預(yù)報(bào)
一個(gè)電影攝制組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個(gè)印度老人到導(dǎo)演跟前告訴導(dǎo)演說(shuō)"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又來(lái)告訴導(dǎo)演說(shuō),"明天有風(fēng)暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"導(dǎo)演說(shuō).他告訴秘書(shū)雇傭該印度人來(lái)預(yù)報(bào)天氣.
幾次預(yù)報(bào)都很成功.然后,接下來(lái)的兩周,印度人不見(jiàn)了.
最后,導(dǎo)演派人去把他叫來(lái)了."我明天必須拍一個(gè)很大的場(chǎng)景,"導(dǎo)演說(shuō),"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"
印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說(shuō),"收音機(jī)壞了."
關(guān)于小學(xué)英語(yǔ)笑話故事：Clarinet
When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board, and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.
He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?" Scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinets are okay. Have a good trip," and, smiling, waved him on.
單簧管
我在一個(gè)交響樂(lè)團(tuán)演奏時(shí)，我們樂(lè)團(tuán)與一家大航空公司達(dá)成協(xié)議，哪些樂(lè)器可以帶上飛機(jī)，哪些樂(lè)器要作為行李托運(yùn)。一個(gè)大提琴手驚愕地發(fā)現(xiàn)他那精致、昂貴的木質(zhì)樂(lè)器竟要托運(yùn)，經(jīng)受行李艙內(nèi)的低溫以及野蠻的裝缷。
他干凈利落地解決了這個(gè)問(wèn)題。他手里拿著大提琴，走到門口的空中小姐跟前，問(wèn)道：“我可以將我單簧管帶上飛機(jī)嗎?”她檢視了一下單子，答道，“單簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快。”然后微笑著揮手讓他進(jìn)去了。
關(guān)于小學(xué)英語(yǔ)笑話故事：How Did You Ever Get Here
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."
你是怎樣來(lái)的?
一個(gè)冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什么遲到了四十五分鐘才起來(lái)上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前邁一步，就要向后退兩步。”
老板狐疑地看著他。“噢，是嗎?那你是怎樣到這里來(lái)的?”
“后來(lái)我決定放棄，”他說(shuō)，“然后我就往家里走。”
關(guān)于小學(xué)英語(yǔ)笑話故事：Creative
Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.
I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed.
創(chuàng)造性
第一次求職時(shí)，我意識(shí)到在列舉我所具備的為數(shù)不多的條件時(shí)，得有點(diǎn)創(chuàng)造性。當(dāng)問(wèn)及我是否受過(guò)其它的培訓(xùn)時(shí)，我老實(shí)地回答說(shuō)我花了三年時(shí)間學(xué)計(jì)算機(jī)程序設(shè)計(jì)課。我得到了那份工作。
我沒(méi)有提到那門功課我重復(fù)學(xué)了三年才考及格。
關(guān)于小學(xué)英語(yǔ)笑話故事：CD Player
While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs. One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"
"That means," she said, "that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music."
"In other words this CD player plays CDs."
"Exactly."
CD唱機(jī)
在購(gòu)買我的第一部CD唱機(jī)時(shí)，我能夠解讀推銷標(biāo)記上面的大多數(shù)技術(shù)語(yǔ)言。但是有一個(gè)標(biāo)示卻讓我頗為迷惑，于是我叫過(guò)銷售商，問(wèn)道：“‘混合脈沖D/A變換器’是什么意思?”
“它的意思是，”她說(shuō)，“這個(gè)機(jī)器能夠讀CD碟上加碼的數(shù)字信息，將它轉(zhuǎn)換成聲音信息-也就是說(shuō)，轉(zhuǎn)換成音樂(lè)。”
“換句話說(shuō)，這個(gè)CD唱機(jī)能夠播放CD碟。”
“正是如此。”
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