短笑話英文笑話 笑侃生活,幽默不止一點點
近年來,冷笑話作為一種新興的語言現(xiàn)象在網(wǎng)絡(luò)、雜志上十分盛行。陽光網(wǎng)小編分享關(guān)于短笑話英文笑話，希望可以幫助大家!
關(guān)于短笑話英文笑話：Face Lift
A woman in her 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful. The woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All of these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: "First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She sighed and said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee...."
關(guān)于短笑話英文笑話：Counselling Genious
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wifedecided the only way to save their marriage was to try counselling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counsellor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counsellor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.
The counsellor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"
The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
關(guān)于短笑話英文笑話：Cut-Backs
A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.
"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."
"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."
關(guān)于短笑話英文笑話：In A Lift
An old woman is going up in a lift in a very Iavish department store when a young, beautiful woman gets in, smelling of expensive scent. She turns to the old woman and saysarrogantly: 'Romance by Ralph Lauren, £100 a bottle.'
Then another young woman gets in the lift, She also turns to the old woman and says
snootily: chanel No 5, £150 a bottle.' A few floors later, the old woman has reached her destination. As she gets out, she looks both woman in the eye, then turns round, bends over and farts, saying: 'broccoli, 25p a pound.'
關(guān)于短笑話英文笑話：Coincidence
A chicken farmer goes into a local tavern, takes a seat at the bar next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" He turns to her and says, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman. "What a coincidence," says the man. They clink glasses and he asks, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "That's great," says the woman. "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched cocks," he replies. "What a coincidence," she said.1、范偉打天下,咣嘰,掉下一影帝!
2、生活單調(diào)得像巴普洛夫的狗,日子凄慘得像薛定諤的貓。
3、沒有收到客戶投訴并不代表所有降落傘都是合格的.。
4、任何一個單位,只要到了開始強調(diào)考勤、打卡的時候,一定是它走下坡路的時候!
5、今天剛學(xué)了幾個薪成語相由薪生,提薪吊膽,薪薪相印,喪薪病狂,哀大莫過于薪死。--何以解憂,唯有暴富
6、臉大到底有什么好處呢? 1.自拍的時候特別容易對焦; 2.拍集體合照時,特別突出,特別占便宜; 3.會被人夸贊:真給你爸媽長臉; 4.找個臉大的女朋友,可以親一天啊; 5.不給任何人有想一巴掌拍死我的機會; 6.別人的臉那叫臉,而我們的臉那可是叫“臉plus”。
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