英語經(jīng)典笑話篇
笑話是一種藝術(shù)方法，用這種方法造成以笑為藝術(shù)手段的文學藝術(shù)作品。幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。下面是陽光網(wǎng)小編整理的英語經(jīng)典笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!
英語經(jīng)典笑話篇一：停止打你老婆
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness.
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have you ceased beating your wife?”
這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣于盡量去恐嚇對方的證人。
有一個證人有點傾向于在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辯護律師怒喝道： “你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論。”
“可是有些問題無法用‘是’或者‘不是’來回答。”這位證人溫和地回敬他。
“不存在這樣的問題!”律師厲聲打斷他。
“噢，”證人說：“那么請你回答這個問題：你停止打你老婆了嗎?”
英語經(jīng)典笑話篇二：奇怪的關(guān)系
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四個好朋友在醫(yī)院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產(chǎn).護士過來對第一個男人說:"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達雙子隊的經(jīng)理."過了一會兒,護士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,護士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們?nèi)齻�都很高興,但第四個伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝并用頭撞墻.他們問他有什么不對勁,他回答道:"什么不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
英語經(jīng)典笑話篇三：一分鐘一百萬
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
英語經(jīng)典笑話篇四：看外國人怎么神吐槽快遞慢 ( 雙語 )
Long lines at the post office are par for the course, but we feel a special kind of rage when a delivery takes too long. Perhaps that's why this hilarious complaint to USPS.com is going viral right now on Reddit. Likening the post office to an ordinary box turtle, user malvoliosf explains how, despite paying $110 for priority shipping, it took eight days for his parcel to travel a distance of 14.8 miles。
在郵局里要排長長的隊伍，對此人們已經(jīng)司空見慣，不過對于快遞運輸太慢的狀況，人們卻會由衷的感到憤慨�；蛟S正是因為這樣，這封寄給美國郵政局的投訴信自從在紅迪網(wǎng)上出現(xiàn)之后，迅速在網(wǎng)上爆紅。這位用戶名為malvoliosf 的小主將郵局比作一只平凡的箱龜。他解釋道，盡管花費了110美元辦理了特快空運，他的包裹卻用了8天的時間才到達了14.8英里之外的地方。
Zoom in to see the original complaint and read the transcription below。
以下讓我們來好好看看這封原始投訴信(附翻譯)：
投訴信 I paid $110 for PRIORITY and it took EIGHT DAYS to get my parcel from downtown San Francisco to the San Francisco airport, a distance of 14.8 miles. A turtle could have done that in four days. Seriously, I looked it up. An ordinary box turtle cruises 0.17 mph; it could make it from the Rincon Center post office to the cargo terminal of SFO in 87 hours. The United States Post Service took 179 hours to make the same trip。
我花了110美元辦理特快空運業(yè)務，結(jié)果我的包裹花了8天的時間才從舊金山市中心運到舊金山機場，距離只有14.8英里。一只烏龜只需要4天就能爬完這段距離了。說真的，我查了的。一只普通的箱龜爬行的速度是每小時0.17英里。從林康中心郵局到舊金山碼頭它87小時就能夠爬完了。而美國郵政局的運輸飛機花了179個小時才走完了同樣距離的行程。
And I had to wait in line at the post office. There is no line at the turtle store. I could have popped in, bought a turtle, strapped the parcel to its shell, and it would have gotten there in less than half the time。
而且我還必須在郵局里排隊等候。在寵物店里買烏龜可不用排隊等。也許我本應該換個方法，買只烏龜，把包裹綁在它背上，這樣它只需要一半的時間到達目的地。
Can I get a refund here? A partial refund? A complimentary box of turtle food? Anything?
我有沒有得到退款呢?或者部分退款?一包作為補償?shù)臑觚旓暳?或者任何補償性的東西?(然并卵!)
英語經(jīng)典笑話篇五： One real man
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴格地，嚴厲地).
Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
一個真正的男子漢
古代有一個國王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。
然后，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側(cè)。
國王說：看到我們國家里還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的.笨蛋，為什么在他們當中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側(cè)。
陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因為在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。
冷笑話不同于一般的笑話，以其獨特的制笑機制，能瞬間制造出一種特殊氛圍。小編精心收集了簡短又好笑的英文笑話，供大家欣賞學習!
簡短又好笑的英文笑話篇1
Play Now Pay Later
先享受后付款
Jack the playboy had explored every corner of the world and dallied with many women,
花花公子杰克喜歡到世界各地探險，和許多妓女風流，
but in Hong Kong he finally encountered a professional girl who left him with far more thanfond memories.
但在香港，他終于遇到一名職業(yè)神女，這名神女留給他的不止是溫柔的回憶而已。
First, he consulted a British doctor.
首先他請教了一名英國醫(yī)生。
"Good Lord!" exclaimed the medic,
“我的天啊!”醫(yī)生叫道，
"you've got more venereal diseases than a medical textbook. I'm afraid we' re going to have toamputate. "
“你所患的性病比一本醫(yī)學教科書還要豐富，恐怕我們必須把你的東西切除掉。”
Horrified, the playboy sought out an American specialist, who shook his head gravely and said,
花花公子心生恐懼，便找了一位美國�？漆t(yī)師幫忙，但那名�？漆t(yī)師表情凝重地搖頭說：
"Sorry, son; if we don't amputate your member, the disease will spread to your other organs. "
“對不起，小兄弟，如果我們不切除那活兒，病毒將會感染到其他器官。”
Desperately, the swinger consulted a Chinese herbalist.
那名風流公子走投無路，便向一位中醫(yī)請教。
The wise old man examined the patient carefully and nodded his head sagely.
這位充滿智慧的老先生仔細檢查病人后煞有介事地點頭說道：
"I know your problem," he said. "You play with bad girl, she very sick, now you very sick. "
“我知道你的問題。你和壞女人亂搞，她的性病很嚴重，你現(xiàn)在的病情也很嚴重。
“Doctor, the British and American doctors told me my pride and joy would have to be cut off... "
“大夫，英國和美國的醫(yī)生都說我的東西必須要切除……”
"These Western doctors, all they want to do is cut, cut, cut, and charge big money. "
“這些西醫(yī)所做的就是切，切，切，然后收一大筆錢。”
"You mean I don't need surgery? ! " exclaimed the young man joyously.
“你意思是我可以不用動外科手術(shù)?!”年輕人喜出望外地問道。
"Don't you worry, " said the ancient practitioner.
“別擔心，”老中醫(yī)師說：
"You go home, relax, wait two, three weeks, pecker fall off by himself."
“回家去，好好休息一陣，等二三個星期后，那活兒會自己掉下來。”
簡短又好笑的英文笑話篇2
At Least You Get a Choice
至少你有所選擇
A newly deceased sinner had just entered hell, and was being shown around.
一名罪人去世后，剛下地獄就被帶往各處走走。
"I'll tell you how it works around here," declared a particularly hideous devil. "You get yourchoice of three punishments. Here's the first. "
“我將告訴你這里的狀況，”一位面目可憎的魔鬼宣布道。“你必須在三種刑罰中選一個，這是第一種。”
The sinner watched in horror as he saw men and women repeatedly being immersed in boilingwater.
罪人看見男男女女反復地被浸入沸騰的熱水中，嚇得目瞪口呆。
"Here's the second. " The poor sinner shuddered as he saw unfortunate people beingcontinually hounded by ferocious beasts and cruel demons.
“再看第二種。”可憐的罪人看到一些不幸的人被兇惡的野獸和殘酷的妖怪不停地追趕，嚇得直打哆嗦。
“And here's the third. ” A group was standing knee deep in shit and sipping tea.
“這是第三種。”一群人站在深及膝部的糞池中喝茶。
"Well,this seems all right," said the sinner."I'll take this one."And he joined the group.
“這個看來還可以，我就選這個。”罪人說著便加入了那群犯人。
No sooner had he done so than another devil yelled out："OK, tea time's over. Get back onyour heads. "
就在他加入不久，一個魔鬼大聲喊道：“午茶時間結(jié)束，回到頭下腳上倒立的姿勢。”
簡短又好笑的英文笑話篇3
Down on the Farm
農(nóng)場趣談
The farmer was painting the inside of his outhouse,
一位農(nóng)夫正在漆他茅房內(nèi)的墻壁，
when he slipped on the seat and fell into the hole beneath.
一不小心由所坐的椅子上滑了一跤，跌落到下面的茅坑內(nèi)。
"Fire! Fire! Fire!" he yelled.
“失火了!失火了!失火了!”他叫道。
Shortly, the fire department arrived and one of the firemen leaned down and asked the farmer,
不久消防隊趕來了，一位消防人員彎下身來問：
"Where's the fire?"
“哪里失火了呢?”
"There ain't no fire," said the farmer,
“事實上并未失火，”農(nóng)夫說，
"but would you have come if I'd yelled "Shit! Shit! Shit ! ? "
“但若是我喊“大便喔!大便喔!你們會趕來嗎?”
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