精彩笑爆你的英語笑話集錦
媽蛋哪有人這么用香腸的�。。�
笑一笑1，十年少，看一些笑話能讓我們開心，歡迎欣賞精彩笑爆你的英語笑話大全!
精彩笑爆你的英語笑話大全
Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
嘿，Rosalie?你知道怎樣淹死一個(gè)金發(fā)美女嗎?在池塘底部粘上一面鏡子 注：美國有不少說金發(fā)美女愚蠢的笑話，在池底照鏡子被淹死了
精彩笑爆你的英語笑話大全
When they’re together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. “All right, you two,” I said sternly. “No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting.”
As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, “C’mon, Steven, let’s get dirty . ”
我五歲的兒子和他的表弟在一起的時(shí)候，總要招來大亂。一個(gè)星期六，我開始抗議了。“好啦，你們兩個(gè)，”我嚴(yán)厲地說，“不許叫喊，不許亂拿，不許哭鬧，不許亂敲，不許取笑，不許扯淡，不許弄壞玩具，不許亂抓，不許打架。” 我剛轉(zhuǎn)身要走，就聽我兒子說：“來，斯蒂文，我們來把自己弄臟吧。”
精彩笑爆你的英語笑話大全
A man and his little boy were walking through the park when a honeybee landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. The father gave him a lecture about having respect for living things and added, "Just for that you can't have any honey for two weeks!".
Pretty soon a butterfly landed near them. The boy ran over and stomped on it. Again, the father gave him a lecture and added, "Just for that you can't have any butter for two weeks!".
When they got home, they went into the kitchen, and a cockroach ran across the floor. The mother ran over and stomped on it. The boy said to his father, "Well do you want to tell her, or shall I?".
一名男子與兒子在公園散步時(shí)，一只蜜蜂落在他們附近，小男孩跑過去一腳將它踩住。父親給兒子上了如何尊重生命的一課，并補(bǔ)充道：“為此你兩周都不許吃蜂蜜。”
不一會(huì)兒，一只蝴蝶落在他們近旁，男孩子跑過去又一腳踩住蝴蝶。父親再次給他上了一課并補(bǔ)充道：“為此你兩周不許吃黃油(英語中‘蝴蝶’直譯為‘黃油飛’)。”
他們回到家后進(jìn)到廚房，發(fā)現(xiàn)地板上有一只蟑螂。母親跑過去踩死了它。男孩對(duì)父親說：“您要對(duì)她說什么嗎?還是我來說?”
生活需要笑話，笑話能愉悅我們的心情，歡迎欣賞絕對(duì)笑翻你的英語笑話!
絕對(duì)笑翻你的.英語笑話
JOY,it\'s timeto go to bed.
joy,該去睡覺了。{媽媽}
ok,Mum.i\'m coming!
哦，這就睡!{joy}
Have a sweet dream,joy.good night!
做個(gè)甜甜的夢哦，晚安!{媽媽}
good niggt,Mum!
晚安，媽媽!{joy}
Sweet dream...how?
甜甜的夢。。。。到底怎么才能做個(gè)甜甜的夢呢?{joy}
Bingo!
有了!{joy}
joy,wahay are you doing?
the candy will make your teeth ache!
joy,你怎么睡前還吃糖啊!會(huì)牙疼的!{媽媽}
(joy,舉著糖，看著媽媽。){joy}
But you told me to have a sweet dream...
不是你說要我做個(gè)甜甜的美夢的嗎。。。{joy}
絕對(duì)笑翻你的英語笑話
Witty Hare can run very fast.
機(jī)靈的兔子跑得很快。
One day when he gets home. He sees a rat. The rat is jumping down his window.
一天，它回到家的時(shí)候看見一只老鼠。這只老鼠正從它家的窗戶跳下去。
“Oh. A thief!” Witty Hare shouted and catches the rat, “You can’t run faster then me.”
“啊!賊!”機(jī)靈兔子喊著追過去。 “你跑不過我的!”
Soon Witty Hare catches up with the rat, and the rat is left behind.
不一會(huì)它追上了老鼠，還把老鼠丟在后面。
“I must run away,” the rat says and laughs, “He is so silly.”
“我得趕緊逃。”老鼠竊笑著說：“這家伙真笨。”
Witty Hare goes on running. A sheep sees him and asks him, “What a re you doing?”
機(jī)靈兔子繼續(xù)跑著。一只綿羊看到了就問它：“你在干什么?”
“I’m catching the thief.” Witty Hare says.
“我在追賊。”機(jī)靈兔子說。
“Thief? Where’s the thief?” the sheep fells surprised.
“賊?賊在哪里啊?”綿羊感到奇怪。
“He's behind me,”Witty Hare says proudly.
“它在我后面呢。”機(jī)靈兔子自豪地說著。
絕對(duì)笑翻你的英語笑話
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'
有個(gè)人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側(cè)面撞上了他的車，當(dāng)時(shí)他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他從車?yán)锢鰜聿拘阉�。剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎著，最后不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮(zhèn)靜下來。過了一會(huì)兒，他平靜了，別人問他為什么要這么恐怖的掙扎，他說：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，當(dāng)我醒過來，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我躺在了路邊，前面是一個(gè)巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍著‘殼牌’，但是有個(gè)人擋住了那個(gè)“S”。”
英語笑話既能讓我們開心，也能讓我們學(xué)到英語知識(shí)，何樂而不為呢?歡迎欣賞逗出眼淚趣事英語笑話!
逗出眼淚趣事英語笑話
Expiration Date
Before I could start my first job right out of college, I had to present evidence that I was a U.S. citizen, so I brought my birth certificate. The clerk picked up my birth certificate and gave it a good, long look. “Is something wrong?” I finally asked. “Yes,” she said. “I can’t find the expiration date.”
【中文譯文】
失效日期
我剛大學(xué)畢業(yè)找到第一份工作。在正式開始工作以前，我必須提交我是美國公民的證明文件。于是我?guī)チ宋业某錾C明。那個(gè)職員拿起我的出生證明仔仔細(xì)細(xì)地看。我問：“有什么問題嗎?”她說：“是啊，我沒找到失效日期。”
逗出眼淚趣事英語笑話
Teacher: Jack, why aren't you listening? CopyRight .
Jack: But, teacher, I'm listening.
Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said just now.
Jack: You said, "Jack, why aren't you listening?"
老師：杰克，你為什么不認(rèn)真聽課?
杰克：老師，我正在聽課呀!
老師：如果你剛才在聽課，那告訴我剛才我說的什么。
杰克：您說的是：“杰克，你為什么不認(rèn)真聽課?”
逗出眼淚趣事英語笑話
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."
"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"
在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個(gè)大軍營中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會(huì)上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對(duì)她說，“我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會(huì)很高興。”瓊同意了，于是他們幾個(gè)月里一直通著信。
后來，他再?zèng)]有來信。她收到了另一個(gè)軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個(gè)部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。
瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對(duì)護(hù)士長說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。”
“這里只有親屬可以探望病人。”護(hù)士長說。
“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他的妹妹。”
“很高興認(rèn)識(shí)你，”護(hù)士長說，“我是他的母親。”
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