At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"

　　He calls up the lawyer.

　　"Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"

　　The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"

　　The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..."

　　"Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"

　　The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..."

　　"Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"

　　The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."

　　"The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"

　　有關爆笑的英語笑話：Free haircuts

　　A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God?s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

　　有關爆笑的英語笑話：Can I take his place?

　　An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.

　　An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

　　"So, what is it?" grumbled the governor.

　　"Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

　　The governor replied: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."

　　有關爆笑的英語笑話：Lawyers on a flight

　　An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

　　A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

　　"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."

　　有關爆笑的英語笑話：Are you talking to me?

　　At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," hebellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

　　The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question.

　　"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

　　The witness still did not respond.

　　Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

　　"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."