精選笑翻天英語笑話合集(一)

　　TOM'S EXCUSE

　　Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

　　Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go

　　Slow".

　　湯姆的借口

　　老師：湯姆，您為什么每天上學(xué)遲到?

　　湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標(biāo)上面寫著："學(xué)校----慢行。"

　　精選笑翻天英語笑話合集(二)

　　Mum advice her daughter "if a boy touched ur breast say DON'T n if he touched ur vegi... say STOP IT. 1 week later.the girl told her mum." mum a boy touched my both then i said DON'T STOP IT"

　　媽媽對女兒說：“如果有人對你非禮，他如果摸你上面你就喊“不要.不要”，他如果摸你下面你就喊“停.停”，過了幾天，媽媽問女兒有沒有人對你非禮?女兒說有人對她非禮。媽媽說你喊了嗎，女兒說喊了。媽媽說你怎么喊的，女兒說：“那天那個人上下同時摸，我就喊“不要停，不要停”!

　　精選笑翻天英語笑話合集(三)

　　They are liberated

　　My husband, a brawny-looking man, had injured his back andcould barely walk. On the way to doctor, we stopped for gas at aself-serve station dragged my eight-months-pregnant form out frombehind the steering wheel and began pumping.

　　Two men nearby looked at my husband, who was resting in thecar, and then glanced at me. “Well,” I heard one say to the other,“They are liberated, you know.”

　　——Ellen McQuarrie (Laveen, Ariz.)

　　她們被解放了

　　我丈夫看起來是個很強壯的男人，他的背部受了傷，幾乎不能走路。在去看醫(yī)生的路上，我們在自助站加油，我拖著八個月大的身孕從方向盤后面出來，開始加油。

　　附近有兩個男人看著當(dāng)時正在車里休息的我丈夫，然后看了我一眼。“哎，”我聽見一個對另一個說，“你知道，她們被解放了。”

　　——愛倫. 邁考利(Laveen ，亞利桑那州)

　　笑話是一種簡短的`藝術(shù)語言，它能調(diào)劑我們的心情，今天我們就一起來看看英語笑話經(jīng)典段子吧!

　　英語笑話經(jīng)典段子(一)

　　一個小男孩非常想要一百美元買一輛自行車，但是祈禱了兩個星期也沒有結(jié)果。于是，他決定給上帝寫一封信要這一百美元。當(dāng)郵局收到這封收信人為“美國，上帝”的信后，他們決定把它寄給美國總統(tǒng)。總統(tǒng)很重視，也很感動。他命令他的秘書寄給個小男孩五美元紙鈔�？偨y(tǒng)認為這對于一個小男孩來說應(yīng)該是一筆大錢了。這個小男孩收到這五美元后非常高興，又坐下來給上帝寫了一封感謝信，信中寫道:

　　A little boy wanted one hundred dollar for a bicycle very badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA，they decided to send it to the president. The President was so impressed，touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a five bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted wish the five-dollar bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:

　　親愛的上帝:

　　Dear Lord，

　　非常感謝你寄給我的錢�？墒俏野l(fā)現(xiàn)，由于某種原因您通過華盛頓寄給我的錢，像往常一樣，那些奇怪的人扣走了九十五美元。

　　Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted ninety-five dollars.

　　羅杰

　　Love,Roger

　　英語笑話經(jīng)典段子(二)

　　A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.

　　一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處進行拍攝。一天，一個印度老人來到導(dǎo)演面前對他說：“明天會下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

　　A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." The next day there was a storm.

　　一周以后，印度人又來了，他告訴導(dǎo)演說：“明天會有暴風(fēng)雨。”果然，第二天有暴風(fēng)雨。

　　"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

　　“這個印度人真神，”導(dǎo)演說。他告訴他的秘書去雇傭這個印度人來預(yù)測天氣。

　　However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

　　然而，幾次預(yù)測天氣成功之后，這個印度人連續(xù)兩周沒有露面。

　　Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said the director. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

　　最后，導(dǎo)演派人把這個印度人請來了。導(dǎo)演對他說：“我明天必須拍攝一個很重要的場景，全都指望你了，明天天氣如何啊?”

　　The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."

　　這個印度人聳了聳肩說道：“我不知道，我的收音機壞了。”