經(jīng)典爆笑的英語(yǔ)笑話
熊孩子啥事這么開心
經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話 篇一
紋身
A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”
二戰(zhàn)中，湯姆和我剛結(jié)婚幾個(gè)月，他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中，他寫道:“我想把海軍戰(zhàn)艦紋刻在胸前。”
Instead of pleading, I answered simply,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "
我沒(méi)有勸阻，只是簡(jiǎn)單地回了信:“給我寄一張你紋旁的`照片來(lái)，然后我也在我的胸前仿紋一個(gè)。”
We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.
我們現(xiàn)在已結(jié)婚51年了，誰(shuí)也沒(méi)紋過(guò)身。
經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話篇二
懲罰
When my daughter had her first child，her husband,Chen Xi，was serving in the army in a remote mountain area. One day，Chen Xi's superior called him into his tent and ordered him to do 50 push-ups. After he completed，Chen Xi asked him what he had done wrong.“I don't have any cigarettes and sweets,"the officer said. "You just had a son!"
當(dāng)我女兒生第一個(gè)小孩時(shí)，她丈夫陳希正在邊遠(yuǎn)的山區(qū)服兵役。一天，陳希的隊(duì)長(zhǎng)把他叫進(jìn)了帳篷，并命令 他做50個(gè)俯臥撐。陳希做完了之后，問(wèn)隊(duì)長(zhǎng)他做錯(cuò)了什么事而受罰。隊(duì)長(zhǎng)說(shuō):“你剛有了一個(gè)兒子，而我卻沒(méi)收到任何的煙和據(jù)。”
經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話篇三
分別對(duì)待
On a visit to the United States，Gorbachev met a Russian who had immigrated to this country. "What do you do for a living here?"the Soviet leader asked him.
在出訪美國(guó)期間，戈?duì)柊蛦谭蛴鲆娏艘晃灰凭用绹?guó)的俄國(guó)人。“你在這兒靠什么謀生?”蘇聯(lián)的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)問(wèn)他。
"My brother, my sister and I work in a big factory.”
“我哥、我妹和我在一個(gè)大工廠工作.”
"How do these capitalist bosses treat you?"
“那兒的資本家對(duì)你們?cè)鯓?”
"Just fine，"answered the man.“In fact，if you are walking home from work, the boss picks you up in his big car and drives you to your door. Another time，he treats you to a dinner in an expensive restaurant. Sometimes he takes you home for the weekend and buys you presents.”
“還不錯(cuò)，”那人回答，“事實(shí)上，如果你下班回家，老板會(huì)讓你搭坐他的豪華車，把你送到家。有時(shí)侯，他還請(qǐng)你去豪華的飯店吃一頓。有時(shí)候，他邀你到他家去度周末，還送給你禮物。”
Gorbachev was stunned.”How often does this happen?"
戈?duì)柊蛦谭蚝艹泽@:“這種事多久有一回?”
"Well，to me，actually never. But to my sister，several times. "
“嗯，對(duì)我嘛，還沒(méi)有一次呢。但對(duì)我妹妹，已經(jīng)有好幾次了。”
經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話篇四
除卡之外……
After many years of wanting an automatic-teller card, I finally got one. The first time I used it was at a bank machine in a nearby college town. A student was there, when I arrived，and I asked him if he'd like to help me figure out the proper procedure.
多少年來(lái)我總盼望有張自動(dòng)取款卡，現(xiàn)在我終于有了。記得第一次我在大學(xué)城附近的一個(gè)銀行自動(dòng)提款機(jī)上使用我的卡時(shí)，我問(wèn)站在旁邊的一個(gè)學(xué)生，是否能幫我使用這個(gè)機(jī)器的程序。“當(dāng)然，”他回答。
"Sure，"he replied.
我向他解擇說(shuō)我想存一筆錢。他打斷了我說(shuō):“我想我?guī)筒涣四懔�，我從未存過(guò)錢.”
I explained that I wanted to make a deposit. He cut me off and said, "I don't think I can help you. I've never made a deposit.”
經(jīng)典爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話篇五
后知之明
Several years ago, the Connecticut state police were required to put chains on their tires after the first snowfall.One officer, failing to do so，found himself in a skid that flipped the car over onto its roof.
幾年前，康涅狄格州的警方對(duì)警察們有這樣一個(gè)要求——在下第一場(chǎng)雪后，把車胎上加上鐵鏈。有一個(gè)警官就沒(méi)這么做，也巧他在一次車子打滑中翻了車，車底朝上。
A woman called the police station to report the accident. In reply to inquires on the officer's condition，she said，"Well，he seems okay, but you'd better get. someone out here real quick. He's standing on the car，putting chains on the tires !”
一位婦女給警方打電話報(bào)告 了這個(gè)事玫。在問(wèn)其該警官的處境時(shí)，她報(bào)告說(shuō):“他看上去沒(méi)事兒，不過(guò)，你們最好快點(diǎn)把他弄走，他正站在車底盤上給輪胎套鏈子呢!"
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